see, i think rich would rather i go home saturday, but, i don't know, he's spending a lot of time with luci and that's fine, it's just shit being on your own in the evenings, and i suppose i'll leave him to that, but, but there we go, and i can get a lift to my front door, near as damnit, end of the drive, and i need to ring mum and see if i can have the car on saturday else i'll get the train and hopefully a lift home,

i think i get on with chris and jenn more then anyone else really, not rich or alex, or anyone at uni, although i mean chris to be fair, so am really looking forward to Saturday, but like Chris' mum said, if i ever got around to finding a girlfriend, it would make a great double date, but that's not really going to happen, *half-smiles* anyways, yes, i need a camera battery,

and i've thought about telling someone at uni and then discounted it, i don't know, i can't say for sure i won't do it again, i've got some relatively superficial cuts from saturday, about 5 that are starting to heal, but it's all these lines i have on my arm and a couple that i cut quite deeply and which are quite wide, i don't think i can wear a t-shirt without it being obvious, it was hollyoaks, how lisa cuts herself, hmmmm, i think if mum finds out she will be profoundly worried, she will and quite rightly i suppose, i feel, like this is it and i don't think things will change, it is like, with rich being with luci, i didn't feel able to do anything in the evenings, and i got really down about it, but then it occured to me, that there's no point worrying about it really, that things are what they are, i did feel slightly better after that epiphany,

anyway,

x x x x