because it is pointless. i suppose. i sat and nearly did. but it was, still is pointless. though the scars i have don't seem enough. in a way i don't think i can easily explain. it's like sometimes they seem like nothing. you see i feel down and everything seems pointless now. but later i might feel nothing like this at all. it is the way that it has always been. from a monday entry in my diary.

i spoke with mum last night. but only felt normal. or at least i didn't feel bad. it seems that telling her i was depressed would be a lie.