"And I need a friend, oh I need a friend
To make me happy
Not stand here on my own

Look at me standing
Here on my own again
Up straight in the sunshine

No need to run and hide
It's a wonderful, wonderful life
No need to laugh and cry
It's a wonderful, wonderful life"

because it was on one of the music channels and i've just thought of it, just now,

how long is kevin left for in home alone?

well, i've poured my baileys mini, i really should drink it, i was going to take a picture, but my brother has taken his new digital camera upstairs, but then i don't know he could recover it,

she texted me, asking me what i was doing new years eve, i assumed with a view to inviting me to something or other, as it transpired that was the case, she did invite me to where she lives. what was she planning to do? nothing impressive she says, just dinner and a few house parties - and the more i type the more silly i feel - and then a midnight hug, see, we're just friends, that was what was decided, sounds so clinical, but it was, long time ago now, and i was glad things were sorted (should i have been annoyed, i couldn't do that, it's not me)
and she said she wasn't sure (it's in a entry somewhere) about that, and it was never spoken about again, and then she 'met' someone else, i think, (closes his eyes and picks what he thinks is happening out of a hat) that she believes we are very close friends, and we are, but, for it all, i just can't, can't i, i say that, i can pretend can't i, there's photographic evidence, so i think we are, and i think she thinks we are, you know?
yes we are, no we're not, it is normal to invite me, and i don't want to go, i want to go all the same, i want to do something else, i don't think i will, i went to see lucy a few new years eves back,
i don't feel things ever change, christ omar, always back to this, i'd cut myself, but i couldn't here, i'm just down now and need to go to bed, no one cares because i won't let them, etc etc,

but i'm fine aren't i? this thing is nothing to worry about, we're just friends and why would i think otherwise, and it'll spend it with chris and jenn (my envy knows no bounds) and rich (he'll spend it texting luci) and alex (he, he's a bit silly, but he's still there and seems to be meeting girls, so maybe i should rethink that),

i didn't text her back either,

*Shrugs*


i've been sat here an hour now, i don't know if this is a mountain or a molehill,