i feel like a lie. i do. or not. maybe. am i ok. i am ok when i talk to my mum. i am honestly ok. i feel better for talking to her. but still. it's not like i've been down before. it's different now. i've made it different now. however i feel. how will people react. i don't know. it's always there. it's not long before i think about it again. i don't think i want to talk about it. i just want to undo what i've done.