i don't feel able to cope with what the world persists in throwing at me. i want to kill myself and be done with it. it truely seems to be a reflex to the problems that i face. i can't deal with it. for the good, the bad outweighs it unquestionably. it does. i spoke to lizzie once in the beer garden, but she wandered off. twice i avoided her by walking away. i would give anything to have her just look me in the eye and smile.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst or break or bury or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.
Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,

going to drink all the orange juice i have and neck some paracetemol and see what happens,.

the evening was never about lizzie, it ends being about her. it's all about her. what i wouldn't give to hold her in my arms. she fills my waking dreams. can't help but build everything up and around her. this evening was my last chance. all this evening has told me is that; i am weaker then i thought, that you don't really know someone.