n e w y e a r s e v e

basically i was bullied into going, well, yes i was, sophie text me, on, well now i remember because it was the night the last ever Office episode was on, so it was the day after boxing day, whenever that was, long story short, i went, on wednesday i drove down to portishead at about 4ish, i got there, we had the first of many cups of tea, many,

did some faffing, waited for her friend to pick us up, contemplated having toast, didn't, but that's ok, went to another friends house, opened a beer, had some food and some champagne, talked a bit, didn't feel too uncomfortable, considered texting my mum to say all sophie's friends were in fifties get up, no not fancy dress, because it's cool again, i'm not going to argue, it was nice,

then we went to the public house, resisted the urge to try and smoke a cigar, had a few vodkas and a pint of guinness, wandered around aimlessly a bit, talked to a few people, it was all good, from what i can remember, god and i'm boring myself, blardy blah, sophie spent a lot of the time in the pub telling people how her parents compared everyone to her first boyfriend, it's the truth to be honest, they did have fond memories of him, by this time she was very drunk, walked to someone house, in the pouring rain, it was tipping it down, much, went the wrong way, finally got there, soaked, absolutely, much,

anyways had a few more drinks, didn't feel that drunk to be honest, which i think was a bad thing, because, i spent the whole evening hovering over her a little, danced a bit, talked about all sorts of things, that i can't remember right now, she read all my text messages in my phone, no she's just a good friend, i remember that much, we discussed who had come on to who, she got worked up over her ex-boyfriend, typical drunken sophie, i can't remember that much now, what else, *thinks* we talked about her views on boys at the moment, but i forget what she said, it did reinforce that we are friends, um, that her ex texted her, bothered her a fair bit, fuck fuck, i must have been more drunk then i thought, i can't remember more then that, i forgot what we talked about on the sofa at the end, i wish i could remember more,

anyway, we went back to hers and had some tea and watched some tv before falling asleep, she leaving her door open so we could talk across the hall, woke up, put my hoody on to cover my arms, watched some friends from bed, was very concious, when i remembered of having to cover my arms up, then we watched lots of episodes of friends, drank too much tea, not the best thing for a hangover, watched a film called hair, had two breakfasts, it was alright, i don't know, i sat as wasn't sure what to make of what was happening, then her brother got home, more tea, he made a fire, then her parents turned up, i will enternally wonder what they thought of me, read the times and the telegraph, smiled a lot, slightly uncomfortable at times, i felt anyway, had a lovely dinner, then i left at half eight ish, after watching the beginning of what women want, left, rather abruptly, but there we go,

hmmmmm, i don't know, at times, i was slightly uncomfortable, but then maybe that was me being neurotic, maybe, i won't deny i like her, that's the thing how can i not, i don't know, maybe i was an idiot for going, but if we're such good friends then i wasn't, maybe it was that obvious how i felt, how i feel? it made me more sure that nothing more will happen, that she just drunkenly kisses boys at the moment, and that that is just the way that it is, i would have thought i had more to say, but i don't right now, ah that was it, it occured to me today infact, that this new years eve mirrors another one, the one where i travelled to see lucy on new years eve, and it struck me, how similar they are, where i went to see a friend, who i quite obviously would do anything for, maybe it's the story of my fucking life, shit relationships and relatioships that could potentially be lovely never getting off the ground,

what i did notice though, was how much her dad loves her, just the way he looked at her, anyways i'm nervous about visiting pskye on this computer, so that's me for now, it's too late and i'm going to have to force myself to get up early again,