oh. dear. god. no, not at all, maybe. yes, but no and all that, see thing is i got bothered telling someone, why should that be a problem, it shouldn't and so i shouldn't worry, but i do, so, so so so so so, well, on tuesday i got very drunk, nicely drunk and spent the evening with swifty and sophie and her housemates, ummmm *runs his tongue along his top teeth*well i spent a lot of the evening with sophie, pretty girl that she is, well i say a lot, i mean all, yes i do, see.......... she is very very lovely, i was thinking, as i do, that this was just a friendship and that we were both drunk and having a nice time, that nothing would happen, i just couldn't see that, *smiles* it transpires........ that she was actually waiting for me to kiss her, *bites his lip* woah. very much woah. indeed. jesus. h. christ. very much a shock. very much. so that was tuesday. seemed like she was avoiding me a bit for the rest of the week, things make sense now you see, yes, well, yesterday was Sophie's housemates birthday house party, so we went to the pub before hand, david, matt, mike and i and got a little drunk, then we stopped at Thresher's for vodka and beer, not the best idea, maybe it was in hindsight, got there, this would be where things get a little hazy, *i've got a pain in my back, it just aches,* just wandered around a little bit, drunk some vodka, then i remember having conversations with Matt about Sophie, that maybe i should do something, i had a spliff at some point, i was firmly in the it's better to not ruin a friendship school of thought, and i thought i'd stuck to that, it wasn't like she would fancy me anyway, i mean really, there's being positive and there's being stupid, so, yes, i eneded up talking to Sophie,i really can't remember how, well done to me for haziness *half-smiles*and here's where i was grateful for being drunk, things weren't bottled up, thankfully, *hangs his head* i so can't remember what we spoke about, well us mostly, hmm she's just out of a long-term relationship and isn't sure, and i can remember her sister saying she doesn't need her heart breaking again and to look after her, never occured to me why she would say that to me, maybe i'm denser then i think, so, we ended up in her room, and some point we ended up kissing, little soft kisses, and talking in between, that i was far too drunk, admittedly, so yes, in a typical vein, i'm not hopeful, she's not looking for a relationship, so how can i be hopeful? or maybe we can be friends that kiss a little? so there's another house party tonight and she'll be there, and i don't know, i'm at a complete loss, i'm happier then i've been for a fair while, well i was right there and then, especially as i've been feeling down a lot recently, we had a talk on careers, the thought depresses me, i want the world to leave me alone, it's like i need interview skills etc etc and there's nothing i can do about it, now that seems to be strange,i don't know, i'm excited and scared and fearful, and high and low and hungover, and confused and many other things, *shakes his head* we will see i suppose.