see, even when i'm drunk i can't help but self-analyse. i think i want to be dead. though my typing skills are still excellent. ha. my head is spinninig. a little at least. i hate myself. though i do like being drunk. i don't know. it's...... that, i think i'm ready to die. right here and right now. excepting some things, i won't miss much. i can't but hope there is life after death. it's just.....
1.i want to be dead. i do, some part of me wants to die right now, i can't face the world. would sooner run from it.
2. i can't kill myself.
in so much as i want to be dead, i can't do the deed, i just can't, i can't. *sighs* see, this amounts to nothing. it doesn't, that's fact. i almost walked away while my mum and dad danced, so nearly........ i so nearly couldn't kill myself, another fact. so coultdn't and wish i could. i'm nothing, i don't think i'll amount to anything even though. don't know why i write this, *cries*