Lots of things really.

The scars. The fact that because the period of time between meeting someone i genuinely like is approximately 21 years. Feeling like this - completely apathetic towards everything.

Well, maybe not [lots of things].

Well, i can't talk about how i feel over the phone. Had a conversation with Sophie after the ball. I suppose she just cares. And i lied when i said my cutting myself had nothing to do with her. I couldn't tell her it did. It was nothing she did, it was my inability to cope with how i felt. Because i'm fucking idiot. Will have to get a job, i have no faith in myself. I suppose being at uni has just allowed me to prolong hiding, from my problems, it's easier enough to scrap by, with my parents propping me up with cash payments. Talking about it didn't help. I cut myself for the first time - well, i fell short of 3 weeks by a day, or 4 weeks, it doesn't fucking matter, but i did, it's nothing major, a thin line across the bicep with a blunt pair of scissors, didn't even draw blood. But i did. I want to say i hate feeling like this, but that would suggest that i know that, and should do something about it, but i can't. nothing has changed i think.